I’ve done this before and I’ll probably do it many times again. Here’s what’s going on in my life, in bullet points!
Ayuc (my ‘as yet unnamed computer, an iBook g4), is horribly underpowered with only 256mb. I’ve checked around and a Kingston 1gb. pc2100 ddr266 sodimm stick of ram will burn a php4,500+ hole in my wallet, so an upgrade has been shelved at the moment. Sadly, the issue is telling especially when I try to host local copies of my websites for presentation purposes (c/o the excellent MAMP, a terrific utility that lets you do exactly that.
As a result I spent most of the day today setting up mock versions of KE and BallEx on ayuc. It’s not perfect but it’ll do.
- The reason I’m setting up the sites on ayuc is to make a presentation tomorrow for a possible sponsor. At the moment I’m not completely ready yet so I might possibly delay the meeting a few days. I seriously don’t like doing that, especially since I’m the one who set it up to begin with, but it’s better than going in there half – baked. I’ve always thought that when you have a chance to meet someone who’s interested in buying stuff from you, you only have a few precious moments of their time to wow them. So going in there and delivering anything less wastes both yours and theirs’ time. I’ll get ayuc to cooperate and come in there better prepared.
- Actually I can go ahead and buy that RAM if I wanted to, but recent events have forced me to keep my money with me for as long as possible until I’ve enough to make a major decision (that obviously involves some money). I know it’s useless to hint about it only to leave whoever reads this guessing, but for some odd reason I don’t wanna talk about it until things are more concrete. Hence, recent earnings from previous projects, which I’d have thought I’d be spending by now on things like a vacation or a PC upgrade, have remained relatively untouched in the bank.
- Health – wise (and yes, any discussion about me these days will have to involve my health, sadly), I’m doing better. I decided to spend most of Friday asleep and it’s done me wonders. It’s amazing how we tend to forget how important simple things like getting enough sleep is, or at least I do. And it isn’t even a whole lot to begin with, just 2 or maybe 3.5 hours of solid zzz in the afternoon, and I’m raring to get going for a full day afterwards. The day after I got A LOT done, and even had enough energy in store to install a bunch of kitchen stuff my sister asked me to. It took me 4 hours of solid work, drilling and hammering with power tools and a screwdriver, but I got it installed and working. I’ll try to get a couple pics soon to show what I’m talking about. They’re basically stainless steel things that slide out of cabinets where you put plates in and stuff, I don’t know what they’re called though which is why I’m kinda vague, sorry.
- The alternative to writing this blog post is to continue reading a book I bought for P50.00 the other day, called Still Wild, Short Fiction of the American West, 1950 to the Present. It’s one of those books you take in a piece at a time over a long period, partly because most of those stories are actually kinda sad. One of the stories however, struck me hard especially. By Jack Kerouac, it’s called Mexican Girl, and I haven’t finished it yet. I first read Kerouac’s “On The Road” decades ago and I always envied his style. Yes I use the word ‘envied’ because for many years, I wanted to be like him. To me, he is the ultimate writer, a man who writes from a special conscience, speaking in an amazing voice I had never heard of. Pressed to think of anyone similar, I don’t think of other writers and instead I think of jazz artists, like B.B. King or Wynton Marsalis. His places and his characters jump and move to a special rhythm and you are there, you are completely and utterly there along with him, living and breathing the dusty Western desert he brings you to. His stories are a joy to behold, and I get that wonderful feeling that I’m reading something so utterly special, so wonderful at every turn of each page. Even if he’s only talking about bums who get drunk every night, or the lead character making only a dollar fifty picking cotton with no future of consequence in sight, you feel no hurry trying to determine what will happen. Instead you just savor every moment, and what would normally a desperate, uniquely different situation from what and where you are seems strangely familiar, all due to his words and the way he uses them. Words that if you think about it, are just as available to use by either me and you, except he uses them to make wonderful things, whilst we by comparison waste them, if we venture to use them at all. It’s the best goddam p50.00 I’ve spent this year so far. It’s been so long since I read On The Road that I only remember the peripherals of that story. It’s imperative that I read more of him again.
- After that, what else can I say? I’m sitting here on my desk enjoying the a/c, which I turn on a few hours in the early evening to cool things down before I turn in. It’s 9:21 in the evening and soon I’ll be on the phone with Jill and getting ready for bed after that. The promise of a not too specific future is in store for me, and it hangs heavy in my mind. It’s a premise I partly welcome due to the freedom it will bring, but it partly worries me as well due to its inherent uncertainty. Uncertainty I’m probably over thinking about, and should learn to accept regardless because inside me I know it’s the right thing to do.
Right now I’m the personification of a crossroads, standing in the middle, ready to take the next step, but neither happy nor glad about it either. The only thing I know is that I don’t like what’s behind me, and that liking what’s in front is entirely up to me.