The Big 44 + A Baby Post

One thing’s for sure. I can’t eat what I used to when I was 34, let alone 24.

I logged in a server this morning and I realized my nick ‘g33’ is 11 years old now. Pretty neat.

And now for something exciting. I know it’s hard to figure out the pic below but we have it on good authority that Baby DJ is coming along just fine. Baby was so excited to see us he / she literally jumped! The video I took showed the he just pushed out her / his legs and lifted up a few times. I’m not sure if the scale is exact on the machine but it must have been a whole inch or two, and I had to ask Jill if she felt anything (she didn’t, and won’t still until a few weeks).

Pretty stunning stuff.

I get nervous going to my MIL’s clinic (Jill’s mom is her doctor as well), and so was Jill it turned out. It might be why I’ve been fairly non plussed. It’s our first anyway so we’ve no idea how to react. Of course I’m happy but even more so that Jill looks like she’s just coasting along with nothing really out of the ordinary other than a slight belly bump. I know we’re in for a lot of changes but looking into the near future I just want everyone to be happy and healthy.

Ok now I’m just gonna go ahead and type what’s on my mind and see where I go with that.

Years ago I visited a friend who had a large family and I got to see for myself how it was to be in one. Everything was a surprise to me. The constant sound, the constant discussion, the constant eating, and just being surrounded by people was all so new. Not that everything was perfect, absolutely not. There were arguments and occasional bickering, and some of the kids needed disciplining, but altogether it was an interesting to see actual family dynamics.

I caught myself asking, why wasn’t my life like this?

I didn’t have that when I was younger, or maybe I had forgotten how it felt. IĀ also did not know my father very well, him having died of cancer when I was 17.

The thing is, I don’t feel sorry about not having had a relationship with my Dad basically because I’ve no idea how it is to have one to begin with. I therefore cannot miss something I never had.

From what I know from others he was a good man, and all indications pointed to that being so. He certainly provided for us, but I don’t have a lot of memories of him, and if I did it was mostly him being very strict with me, yelling at me to get up earlier, play better tennis and such.

Trust me when I say I don’t take these against him, or rather, I’ve gotten mature enough not to. Those few memories surely don’t paint a complete picture of the man, and I understand the fact I was too young to truly appreciate or get to know him better.

But I do recognize one thing, and that is if I were him, I’d be regretful that my son has no memories of me, and what if any he has does not represent him very well.

The experience of being in a big family albeit not mine and only visiting changed me. I thought it was wonderful and I realized this is important, and that anything I do should be in that direction.

The realization that I did not know my dad very well and I probably never will also changed me. People who are close to you shouldn’t disappear in your heart and mind as if they were strangers. It was important to have known him but I missed that opportunity. I have known a lot of people in my life and have grown from my relationships with them. It could only have been a good thing to have had one with my Dad.

From those two realizations I guess you can see what I wish for in my life. There are a few others of course and I’ll write about them in the future. What I do know for sure, especially now that I’m older, is that I worried a great deal about a lot of things some of which I probably didn’t have to.

Money, it turns out, isn’t all that difficult to get. Happiness is what counts. Your dreams count. Passion counts. Relationships count. Friendships and how you treat people count. Those are the things people remember and appreciate you for. And if you think about it they’re even easier to have. You just have to sincerely work towards them.

3 thoughts on “The Big 44 + A Baby Post

  1. Kat

    Gary! Happy birthday again. I was smiling the whole time I was reading this. I’m sorry you didn’t get to know your dad very well, but I’m with you in hoping that you’ll have a different relationship with your kid/s. Thank you for writing this! <3

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