Work wise I'm firing on all cylinders to get some business going with some big clients. I had some bad luck with a few ones but there's nothing I could've done about that, so I've pretty much closed the door and moved on in my head. Feel much better now frankly.

The title to this post gives away how I feel about other things though. It's been awhile so I've mellowed down some, but I have to admit sometimes I feel hate in my heart, and am taking whatever steps I can to avoid that.

Such a damaging thing - hate. It's like a virus that grows on you, takes over if you let it. I've stopped it, I think, but like the proverbial ebola that it is, it comes back when your guard is down.

Whatever will happen however, is entirely up to ourselves, and nothing anyone wants, says or does is going to matter the least little bit.

Right now I'm on top of my game and I'm getting even better. When I feel like this I feel like slaying dragons, like nothing can stop me.

I'll ride on this a little bit. It feels good so what the heck. Besides it's not like I expected things to be perfect.

Poor naysayers. Congratulate me now. Feel good for me. Cause if you don't, it only means we're not friends.

I finally got to watch My Sassy Girl and it was terrific, or at least the ending was. Quite likely some of the scenes gist' were lost in translation so they came out long and pointless, but it came all together in the end. The Wikipedia page says 'it became a mega blockbluster hit in the entire region from Japan, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, as well as South East Asia, to the point where it was drawing comparisons to Titanic'. That's very impressive and I finally got to see why. It might not necessarily have the best of any given particular detail, but at the end it leaves you happy and that's more than enough for me.

I cooked a fave of mine, meatballs in tomato sauce, which we had for dinner the other day and lunch today. Jill calls it Tomato Balls. What I like about it is that being tomato based, it lasts for a long time, and you can have it with toasted baguette with butter as well as rice. Living alone really makes me learn to stretch meals as long as I can, and these type of meals, along with Adobo and Menudo, are the answer.

Besides I dislike having to break off work in order to have to cook, so I like cooking things in advance and keeping them in the fridge ready for reheating via my little electric oven.

I need to update BallEx. In fact, by tomorrow the 2nd, I need to really start cracking on the stuff that I've always planned to do with the blogs. So I'll sleep now, it's 11. Goodnight y'all and Happy New Year.

Speaking about internet radio, I think it's what I missed most about not having any 'net. There's a station on iTunes that's called Jazzradio.com - Vocal Jazz, ftg. the likes of Ella Fitzgerald, Billy Holiday, etc. and listening to it after I work on stuff in the evenings is surely on my top 3 fave things of all time.

There are two parties going on around my neighborhood right now, one right at the house beside me and another noisier one somewhere farther left. I caught myself wishing the one beside me invited me, but then I settled down to a semi - interesting movie on Star Movies and realized I might probably be having just as much fun watching that. I think the main reason I wanted to get invited was the food. I'm running out on food at home and I wanna eat something I don't have to heat up or cook for a change as well. Besides, food at the wet market at Paseo, the shopping area near here, is expensive. A kilo of liempo is P190 while a large size boneless bangus is P65. If I keep shopping for food there, even if for myself, I'd be broke before rent is due. The alternative however, is a good 30 min. drive away at this really congested place called Balibago, across a bridge at SShway where the bus and FX terminals are, and I don't like going there, so I stick with the expensive wet market at Paseo.

I have icky dishwasher hands now too from washing dishes 2 to 3 times a day. The soap I use don't seem to be strong enough and the food smell sticks to my hands, which have also turned tough from a few mistakes I made cooking where I singed myself.

I've learned to adjust now, and am starting to like it here.

On Christmas Day, the 25th, me and Jill told her parents we plan to get married by May. Her father was emotional, which surprised both of us and probably himself. It was the most touching moment I've ever been a part of in my life, and I'm glad I went through that.

A few days before, we had lunch again with her family at Town Center, where we talked more about who I am and what I do. Previous information I got earlier in the morning made me feel anxious about it, but later on I was more relaxed and the whole exercise made me feel much better and lighter afterwards. I now actually feel like I'm part of a family, something I've never felt for many decades now. I've totally forgotten how that feels like, and it feels wonderful. I think no one should ever be made to feel like they don't have one ever in their lives.

I'm going to try and sleep by 10 tonight, so I'd wake up early enough to try and run / fast walk across an area near here which is perfect for running. I used Jill's cars' odometer to measure it and the whole stretch is exactly 2kms. I'm starting to feel good, and the aftereffects of gout - which this time felt exactly like a sprained ankle, are starting to dissipate.

I'm so looking forward to tomorrow morning. I'm so looking forward to next year.

I've long decided that I wasn't gonna employ typical techniques to try and increase hits on TechEx other than the occasional Facebook status quoting, so I'm approaching the 'popularizing' of it, if you will, with geeky interest. I stopped writing on it for a month though but I never assumed I'd stop. Now I seem to be gathering steam so let's see where this goes, and with the help of these misguided commenters cum haters maybe the endeavour will speed up a bit.

Ok next topic.

My next topic has to do with the fact that I just turned off the TV after I couldn't handle the mosquito bites downstairs anymore. We're subscribed to the lowest available plan for Cignal TV, a satellite based subscription service, and we get only 25 channels I think. One of them is a channel called Bio, and it featured two people who had to go to through intervention to force them to join clinics to help with their addictions. One was named Gabe and he had a gambling problem, while the other one was a girl whose problem I didn't completely get but apparently had something to do with beauty products because there was some camerawork showing her and her friends and relatives stacking away boxes of them. Would've been a good feature for KE, maybe.

At any rate the Gabe guy was screaming and terribly difficult at his intervention, as one would imagine. The only other time I had 'witnessed' an intervention was on the Sopranos, when everyone decided to confront Michael Imperioli's character, Christopher Moltisanti, with his drug addiction. I frankly thought the Gabe version was far more dramatic due to the fact that the characters were speaking out of synch and occasionally on top of one another just like, you know, the way it happens in real life. The situation was tense and difficult and I could feel it throughout.

The docu skipped several months later after his therapy and showed Gabe a different man, albeit occasionally relapsing but at least aware of what an ass he had been. Unfortunately those relapses and his obvious avoidance of any sense of responsibility for his actions (he obviously still didn't wanna pay off his debt to a friend because he never even mentioned it when they met up again), proves that he is a ways off from complete rehabilitation.

I personally think the reason it failed was because during the intervention itself, his mother agreed to a compromise where they would pay off his debt if he would seek therapy. That's an absolute mistake as obviously it offered him a way out via merely pretending to go along, which is exactly what he did. The only way it'd have worked is if he went on his own accord, and no other reason is good enough. So that was a fail in my opinion.

Final Topic.

I know it's nuts segregating my paragraphs with topic headers like that, but I just need to find a way to separate them, you know? So they won't get mixed up. When I write these things I've a million thoughts going on in my head and getting 'em out whilst maintaining some sense of order requires discipline, hence the topic headers. Looks and probably is stupid, but there you go.

So anyway, Jill is off to Cebu tonight until Sunday, so I'm stuck here with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Fortunately my health has come back a bit, and I think I'm ready to play again.

Cranberry juice and cherries, I think, are the keys to taking care of my gout problems. It's one of the very many solutions to gout as listed for example, here, which has a funny way of talking about gout remedies with it's 'it might work or not' way of writing, which I completely understand because apparently, nothing works reliably all the time and not even what may have worked then is a guarantee it'd work the next time. I'm fairly sure of that now, having suffered more times than I care to share.

So anyway, I hope to spend the time playing ball during the weekend. Heck, I'd probably play right now if someone asked me (it's 1:37am as I write this), for some odd reason I'm all wide awake.

No doubt, I miss the game, and I miss those days just a few years ago when I'd play consecutive games in consecutive days. A few posts ago I wrote how big and strong I was and how I've come to a point nearly the opposite of that. At this moment however, I'm healthy enough to think I can go back there. And why not? Age was never a factor then, shouldn't be now. Health, yes. But not age.

But it won't be as much as I'd miss you, babe. Come back home soon.

Drupal's Mollom, the service which checks for spam, is acting up. I've had one report of people having difficulty making comments while Jen at MomEx had some problems trying to post a new blog entry. I know this is a really minor thing to be talking about whilst there are more pressing issues, one supposes, at hand, but it's just the first thing that got in my head as I wrote this new paragraph. I think it's because I switched my eyes for a sec and saw Jen online on Google Chat, which may have helped me come to that thought.

When I write on this blog, I write mostly the first thing that comes to my head. I like doing that, it's therapeutic to say the least.

Ok so now with the 'pressing issues' part.

Today is a happy day as I had managed to cross out a big chunk of my never ending to-do list. This part involves when we get in touch with bloggers we are trying to invite to a network we are setting up for KE. In the proper order, we created the list (checked it twice - couldn't resist saying that), sent an invite, waited for them to say yes, I sent some code, and am now waiting for word they have installed the code. The code allows me to determine things such as hits and pageviews.

It's a big chunk of work crossed out because now I can focus on finding more members, improving the system, and most importantly, talking with the other end of the network, the clients. And they are waiting. Boy, are they ever so.

I'm excited to see this through. In fact it seems sometimes this is mostly what's been taking up my time and thoughts. That's understandable, to a point, but I gotta step back a bit and just breathe a little, the better to keep objectivity. Otherwise I'll OC this away. I have the tendency to do that.

Today I watched I love you Beth Cooper to try and get my mind off things, and also to buy stuff at the mall. I left approximately around 3/4ths of the way because I just couldn't take it anymore. Not that it was that horrible of a movie, except I realized a 3rd of the way through that it made me miss those 80's teen movies I liked so much, like Ferris Beuller, Fast Times or anyone of the John Cusack ones. The movie failed to make sense several times, and eventually it wasn't doing it for me. I caught myself thinking of other things, which I realized made the movie pointless, since the whole idea was to stop thinking per se and just lose myself in the movie. At that point I got up with my groceries (cranberry juice, blueberry jam, a bottle of cherries and a plastic jug - things that help my gout), and went home.

And now to shift to another topic again. Hold on to your hats, as this come from left field.

Mio is a 5 year old kid dealing with a type of leukemia that can still be cured. I learned about him via Frances Sales' post on her blog re her efforts to raise funds for the boy (whom she had yet to meet, I believe), which then led me to Mio's mom's blog.

Reading this blog, believe me, is heartbreaking. With every word you can feel her anguish over the situation, and it really touches you where it hurts. It then occurred to me, how important it is to have writers archiving situations around us, such as her mom bringing attention to their situation and thus, finding a way to alleviate it.

To put in a different perspective, let's say there's a group of people suffering through, say, a war. Put a writer in there to tell the story of what's going on, and you bring to light issues that need to be addressed. Without one to tell the story though, it's quite likely that group's story will never be heard. Even if they live through the ordeal, no one will ever really be able to appreciate what they've gone through. Not until, at least, another writer comes along to document it for them.

Mio's mom is an excellent writer in this regard. She brings to light her and her son's plight, and with every painful word it brings people to action. How many, therefore, are not served as well by not having someone around to document their ordeals? Mio is a lucky kid for having such a loving and particularly talented mother. Whatever may happen from this, I'm sure some good will come out of her efforts. If you wanna help, she's listed down ways here.

• Ayuc (my 'as yet unnamed computer, an iBook g4), is horribly underpowered with only 256mb. I've checked around and a Kingston 1gb. pc2100 ddr266 sodimm stick of ram will burn a php4,500+ hole in my wallet, so an upgrade has been shelved at the moment. Sadly, the issue is telling especially when I try to host local copies of my websites for presentation purposes (c/o the excellent MAMP, a terrific utility that lets you do exactly that.

  As a result I spent most of the day today setting up mock versions of KE and BallEx on ayuc. It's not perfect but it'll do.

• The reason I'm setting up the sites on ayuc is to make a presentation tomorrow for a possible sponsor. At the moment I'm not completely ready yet so I might possibly delay the meeting a few days. I seriously don't like doing that, especially since I'm the one who set it up to begin with, but it's better than going in there half - baked. I've always thought that when you have a chance to meet someone who's interested in buying stuff from you, you only have a few precious moments of their time to wow them. So going in there and delivering anything less wastes both yours and theirs' time. I'll get ayuc to cooperate and come in there better prepared.
• Actually I can go ahead and buy that RAM if I wanted to, but recent events have forced me to keep my money with me for as long as possible until I've enough to make a major decision (that obviously involves some money). I know it's useless to hint about it only to leave whoever reads this guessing, but for some odd reason I don't wanna talk about it until things are more concrete. Hence, recent earnings from previous projects, which I'd have thought I'd be spending by now on things like a vacation or a PC upgrade, have remained relatively untouched in the bank.
• Health - wise (and yes, any discussion about me these days will have to involve my health, sadly), I'm doing better. I decided to spend most of Friday asleep and it's done me wonders. It's amazing how we tend to forget how important simple things like getting enough sleep is, or at least I do. And it isn't even a whole lot to begin with, just 2 or maybe 3.5 hours of solid zzz in the afternoon, and I'm raring to get going for a full day afterwards. The day after I got A LOT done, and even had enough energy in store to install a bunch of kitchen stuff my sister asked me to. It took me 4 hours of solid work, drilling and hammering with power tools and a screwdriver, but I got it installed and working. I'll try to get a couple pics soon to show what I'm talking about. They're basically stainless steel things that slide out of cabinets where you put plates in and stuff, I don't know what they're called though which is why I'm kinda vague, sorry.
• The alternative to writing this blog post is to continue reading a book I bought for P50.00 the other day, called Still Wild, Short Fiction of the American West, 1950 to the Present. It's one of those books you take in a piece at a time over a long period, partly because most of those stories are actually kinda sad. One of the stories however, struck me hard especially. By Jack Kerouac, it's called Mexican Girl, and I haven't finished it yet. I first read Kerouac's "On The Road" decades ago and I always envied his style. Yes I use the word 'envied' because for many years, I wanted to be like him. To me, he is the ultimate writer, a man who writes from a special conscience, speaking in an amazing voice I had never heard of. Pressed to think of anyone similar, I don't think of other writers and instead I think of jazz artists, like B.B. King or Wynton Marsalis. His places and his characters jump and move to a special rhythm and you are there, you are completely and utterly there along with him, living and breathing the dusty Western desert he brings you to. His stories are a joy to behold, and I get that wonderful feeling that I'm reading something so utterly special, so wonderful at every turn of each page. Even if he's only talking about bums who get drunk every night, or the lead character making only a dollar fifty picking cotton with no future of consequence in sight, you feel no hurry trying to determine what will happen. Instead you just savor every moment, and what would normally a desperate, uniquely different situation from what and where you are seems strangely familiar, all due to his words and the way he uses them. Words that if you think about it, are just as available to use by either me and you, except he uses them to make wonderful things, whilst we by comparison waste them, if we venture to use them at all. It's the best goddam p50.00 I've spent this year so far. It's been so long since I read On The Road that I only remember the peripherals of that story. It's imperative that I read more of him again.
• After that, what else can I say? I'm sitting here on my desk enjoying the a/c, which I turn on a few hours in the early evening to cool things down before I turn in. It's 9:21 in the evening and soon I'll be on the phone with Jill and getting ready for bed after that. The promise of a not too specific future is in store for me, and it hangs heavy in my mind. It's a premise I partly welcome due to the freedom it will bring, but it partly worries me as well due to its inherent uncertainty. Uncertainty I'm probably over thinking about, and should learn to accept regardless because inside me I know it's the right thing to do.

Right now I'm the personification of a crossroads, standing in the middle, ready to take the next step, but neither happy nor glad about it either. The only thing I know is that I don't like what's behind me, and that liking what's in front is entirely up to me.

• I'm using Blogo, a Mac based (naks) blog writing tool that helps make updating blog(s) easier. It works vis xmlrpc.php which both wordpress and drupal has, so it's a great fit for me. Got this via jen and it's the first time I'm trying it, so am hoping it'll work out the box.
• I'm very good with the Mac now, which is a 3 year old iBook G4 running 10.4.11 (yes I know what those things mean now). I've learned all the important shortcut keys and figured out pretty much how to get around quickly without the mouse (I've always disliked mice, esp. trackpads). So two major observations: OneI love the fact running, using and installing things is almost exactly like a Linux distro (albeit a very very good and polished one), and Two the idea that this is 'easy to use and understand' or at least easier than Windows is lost on me. I've encountered and fixed some technical issues in the few weeks I've owned this thing that I'm sure would've made a typical user cry in frustration.

• This is my 4th day stuck at home and sick of gout. Gout is a disease caused by high uric acid where toxins accumulate at the area around your big toe. It bloats and swells and hurts almost, I think, like you stepped on glass shards. Knowing this I was actually tempted to cut it open and let the toxin heavy blood out, and when I read some history about the disease it turns out that was an early cure for it. At any rate I can't say the medicine for it, called colchicine, is any better. It comes in tiny 10mg pills and is enough, if you're not careful, to get you nauseous.
• I can't help feeling resolved, even a little bit, to fix things in my life after what I've just been through. Being sick like that is a difficult pill, so to speak, for me, who's been healthy many years in my life. In fact, good health was one of the things I'd always been able to count on. I was not only healthy, I was big, strong and athletic, with quick reflexes to boot. Even when I gained weight, I always had that confidence I could bounce back and feel strong and healthy again. Sadly, as I lay 2 or 3 days ago writhing in pain on my bed it's obvious I've been far too lackadaisical. I need to get my shit in order and not assume things will just fall in place like I used to. I remember playing up to 5 games a day and partying all night, then waking up the next day fresh as a daisy. Obviously those days are way gone now and I gotta pay more attention. With the lower pain I'm feeling now just walking from one side of the house to the other is an ordeal.

I think I'll write more in the later days. I was distracted by the RP-Korea game that just started a few mins ago, and ayuc's* battery is getting low (ayuc stands for 'as yet unnamed computer).

later!

• Foremost, is the incredible Facebook API, and it's recent decision to allow 3rd party developers to create apps that can change things like notes, links, videos and the all - important status updates. For what use is a social networking app, or anything on the 'net if you think about it, if you cannot make broad hints at how available you are to your crush via Facebook? For what else is the internet for??

• Above Facebook opinion is in light of other general web induced thoughts, such as my frustration in my ability to wrangle Drupal to output data the way I want it. Currently, I want several fields to products a single output, ie. Apple (4), Oranges (3), Banana (1), Cherry (0), to result in a straight line that looks like this: Fruits: Four Apples, Three Oranges, One banana.. Yes this is strictly a programming thing, so anyone looking for touchy feely, deep insights into the human soul sort of stuff can avert your eyes towards other things. At any rate I have already left queries on the Drupal forums. I will receive any hints towards resolution of my queries with glee.
• I was a first time ninong at Tessa's wedding last Friday morning! A just - as - surprised Char and I were at the QC Hall of Justice to witness the important event, and it was just as advertised: Solemn, Efficient, and Over Before You Knew It. The judge seemed to be having a whale of a time. After he made sure everything and everyone knew what they were doing, he reveled in Alby's and Tessa's pictures and just joked with everyone all the way. I have nothing but the best of hopes for the happy couple. Tessa I know you read this so Good Luck and Congratulations to you two again. Soon as Jill is back let's all hang. Alby's a lucky guy :)
• At this point, you probably shouldn't read this Tessa: Anyway, I finally got the Sony Memory Stick needed to make the Sony TG-1 Video Camera I was lent for review to work. I got it last Tuesday only to realize it was completely useless without a memory stick, one of a number of faux paxs the PR people kept making consistently. I don't even wanna get into that, I just wanna start reviewing the thing. I obviously missed the perfect opportunity (the wedding), so that very sucks. I have an idea for a video though, but it will require some execution. Let's see if I can manage to scrounge up the time.
• Tomorrow is a full day at client, albeit I might ditch the afternoon issues to visit the BIR to resolve a long standing situation. I'm quite frustrated about my situation with that office and do not look forward to this assignment. All future income however is contingent upon the resolution of this issue and hence nothing but my full attention is required. Fact is, the faster I resolve this issue, the better. The faster I resolve this issue, the better. The faster I resolve this issue, the better. Rinse. Repeat.
• Tuesday is an opportunity to watch the Confessions of a Shopaholic premiere, courtesy of receipt of a couple of tickets due to Kikay Exchange. I've always looked forward to KE receiving movie premieres and thus I'm quite excited about it. I remember watching Sex and the City and Devil Wears Prada and wishing we were invited to their premieres. It was obviously such a perfect fit and something we'd do anyway. The fact were getting them now is just another sign that hard work pays off. So long as you keep your focus, things turn for you at the end.
• I played ball today and literally, the guys I am playing with are half my age. The funny thing is, one of them started to call me 'manong', and in recognition of that fact, I blocked his shot. I dunno if it was a conscious effort to make him 'pay' for that, but I wouldn't be surprised if I did. Thing is, I remember how we went to Ilocos years ago, and everyone there calls everyone else 'manong', almost like you'd call someone 'mister'. Over in the Tagalog region from where I am though, there's an 'old dude' feeling to it, which is why I did not really warm up to it. Sadly, I didn't finish the game, after getting a bum stomach (too much coffee). But I do wanna come back next week, and am looking forward to a visit to the gym on Tue and / or Thu to prepare for it. I know I'm probably too old to want to play as much as I have been (2x a week or more for the last 2 weeks), but as long as I can (barely) keep up, I don't see why I shouldn't. I still love the game, it still gives me thrills, and I can still feel the texture of the ball on the tips of my fingers after I righteously slapped that ball from the dude's shot earlier. It felt GReeeaAAAt. I want more please. And as long as they let me, why not?
• Ok back to the websites (yes, groan), I want to update MomEx to the latest Drupal, not a mean feat. There are also new features I want to implement on KE for two reasons: 1. More user - generated content. 2. More regular content other than the blogposts. I won't get into details again (because I'm selfish and I don't want anyone else to beat me to it), but I think I've got a bead on how to do it in WordPress. I think I'm gonna stick with WordPress as far as KE is concerned, if only because it seems to have improved greatly these past few months after what I thought was a rather long period of stagnation last year. It gives me something nice to compare Drupal against, and while the two are still different as night and day, each has its strengths that I'm trying to get the other to reach towards. WordPress however is damn easy as pie to customize, and I miss that with Drupal. Drupal however is unbelievable flexible, packed with potential and is only limited by your imagination, so I'm still sticking with that in as far as making content outside of blogposts is concerned. Maybe I'll move BallEx to it soon, pending receipt of data I need (sadly) to ask permission for. But if not, I'll keep it there for the time being.

Ok that's my life at the moment in bullet points. I know my many loving fans (all 2 of you) are waiting for my typical mushyness at the end of these things, so here it is: Yes I am in longing, but No I try not to think about it, primarily by keeping busy (and yes, by playing basketball when I should probably be taking better care of myself). Cute fact: Jill's dog Killer, when looking for her, apparently goes up to their room and checks the top of her bed for any signs, leaving depondently afterwards. Aww.

End time: 1137pm.

• I am going to an event 2pm. It involves the launch of a new tech product whose parent company is also in the news for laying off thousands of workers, adding some measure of pallor to my mind, to a usually glitzy affair. It is vital that I maintain a presence in such things in order to prepare for the much delayed launch of my latest baby, the newest Exchange, details on a forthcoming date.
• I am in the midst of looking for active, sporty female writers / bloggers for a project. This situation is ASAP, and fortunately, I managed to contact one of the most personable and capable individuals I know, to whom this project is tailor fit (reference intended). She has texted her questions to which I replied by emailing the details. She is however, rushing to something and promised a reply after lunch. I am not kidding when I say I am hopeful for a positive reply, the occurrence of which would probably make my day.

• I was looking to go to the gym this morning but since it is already 10:22 as I write this, the execution of that plan looks bleak. Rather, I will move it for after the event. I know I could've strapped on some discipline and gotten my ass moving earlier but what can I say? I like blogging too much. I probably don't say that often enough, and maybe I should. I love writing. I have always been, and consider myself, to be a writer. To state the obvious, I embrace, condone and promote blogging. I consider it to be one of the more important events since the inception of the Intarnetubezsphere, and probably ranks up there with, oh I dunno, hyper text transfer protocol.
• I am looking forward to a short break staying at my friends house this weekend, but unfortunately I might have to mix some work in, if not postpone it altogether, due to above-mentioned project. There is of course, the urge to bitch about the haste with which this responsibility had been put upon me, but the fact it's a paying project, that I can actually get it done so long as I keep my act together, plus the sheer uselessness of complaining, keeps me from doing so. I hope I am able to reflect upon things in a forthcoming manner on a regular basis.
• I am looking to extend my consulting gig for another period. It is vital however, that I am an integral part and that my presence is valued. There is certainly enough work to be done. The presence of mamars however (Tagalog slang), complicates matters, and I have decided to repair it as I would, say, repair a wrongly phrased sentence or a technical glitch in the system. It is but one of the things one needs to deal with in order to produce a job well done. Seen in such light, everything is doable. I am thusly empowered.
• My girlfriend is in the US in the 1st week of her month long vacay and I miss her terribly. I have been otherwise occupied, but her absence remains a palpable experience throughout my day.

End: 10:34am.

Ok, on with the day.

Sadly this was mauled (edited) much like in previous times, but only a little bit. The latter parts, which were important, were untouched, so I'm happy. Said Her Highness has indicated an open door to any ideas I might have to continually write on her publications, to which I am considering. Naturally, hefty praise and recognition of my extraordinary abilities, deservedly or not, will only serve to further her purpose.

After a few days I will reprint it in its glorious entirety at Mom Exchange.

Meanwhile, here's a random picture of some Yakiniku (?) Beef I ate at Yoshinoya Robinson's Galleria earlier:

It costs P105.00 and is very good.

In other news, last night was our first basketball game for our HS league, and I think I logged 1 rebound in, oh probably 2.5 minutes of playing time. I think I can really say I've come full circle now. There was a time I couldn't keep track of how many leagues I was playing in (some of which stretch on for months), and I'd play either until my lungs would burst or my knees would give out. Now I can't even get playing time on a team of mid - 30 year old dads.

Truth is though, I've realized it's all good. A few months ago when I was coaching the village kids, I felt I had the experience of a lifetime. Me and my boys went on the roller coaster ride that is Philippine Liga Basketball, held all over our islands from Aparri to Jolo. I had sleepless nights thinking things over and over so much that I was well and truly obsessed.

Now I see my friends and batchmates go through the same thing and I really feel happy for them. I really think that if any of their wives would like to know who they really are, they should see them while they're playing basketball. Every little insecurity, every tiny quirk of a person's character comes out in all its macho, ego wrapped fury. What they might find might shock them, as I've learned early on that whatever one might see on the surface usually has little to do with the monster that shows up on the basketball court. You will see chest beating. You will see declarations of immortality. And yes, you will occasionally see a crash and a burn. But whatever it is, it's usually nothing to do with who you thought you knew.

The wonderful thing about it is that it's all very entertaining, and so much so that I'm willing to just sit and watch it happen. I want them to go through what I went through, joining the Village leagues around here. There was so much emotion and so much drama. Just the idea of coming into a hostile village trying to keep a brave face on was incredible. And so much fun! It's hard to think of anything I'd trade it with.

That's it at the moment. I'd have wanted to end this with a thought that my 2x a week commute might improve, but you and I know that's unlikely to happen.

It was a nice easy day today, spent lounging around and watching the Lakers dismantle the hard up Wizards. Tomorrow is Pacquiao day, which I'll try to spend playing ball in the morning then going to the Jill's later on.

First things first. Joe, my ancient car, is quite a capable performer primarily because I care for it quite regularly. That's not to say I spend a fortune on it, which I can't even if I wanted to, it's just that I've always been a gearhead, and having an old car is akin to having a toy to play with everday. Many times I had contemplated on selling it, but always I hesitated because a. What would I replace it with? Regardless of how old it is?, and b., aforementioned 'toy' reason.

Today, Joe made me proud. The area near the gigantic golf ball where you turn left from Ortigas Extension is notorious for flooding, and for whatever reason, I completely forgot. And so when I was following a larger vehicle on my way towards it, I realized that the water was deeper than I thought and getting deeper still. Pretty quickly I arrived at a no turning back point, and water was pouring into the car from underneath the door area and from wherever it could come in (told you it was old). Little kids were starting to cheer me on, I pumped up the gas, modulated the clutch, revved it high and mentally crossed myself. It was getting deep, deep and deeper still, and Goddam it the Corolla in front of me was slowing down.

Anyone who's ever crossed a flood knows that's a big mistake, but slow down he did, so I was forced to turn to avoid him, going into even deeper water. I revved Joe even more, and forged in. The logic is, if Joe is gonna stall, then he should stall on dry ground, or at least close to it. Whatever happens, I am not gonna stop Joe. So I revved revved revved, and Joe fought the water like the boat that he isn't, and before we knew it, there we were, in the middle of the intersection on Ortigas Extension, water pouring out the car same way it came in, but on dry ground.

I kept revving, and coasted in front of a BPI branch's parking lot. I didn't wanna let go the gas for fear of him finally stalling, so I just revved it up and down for a minute or two. Mind you, it was pouring rain all the time. There were few cars, and I was seriously wondering what the hell was I thinking, sitting in my soaking wet car, wondering why I wasn't home dry in my room, Joe dry in the garage.

Then I finally let go the revs and let Joe idle, and it did, and for the life of me it sounded like a self - satisfied purr after I just asked it to do the impossible and was now contemplating success with a wry grin. I'd like to think it wasn't boasting, or goading me to make it do more. Rather, it was given a task, succeeded marvelously, gave me a wink and was now just waiting for the next job. I took a glance at the flooded area, and saw a 90's issue Corolla and Nissan Sentra, stalled, their owners standing around while little kids and tricycle drivers tried to help push them.

But Joe? No.help.necessary. Joe's engine purred the sweet, rhythmic beat it always does, possibly even sweeter now more than ever. I'd hear a fan belt pully squeak a little from the water, but only a bit, then it'd just go on purring.

All that cleaning and tweaking and tuning paid off. The carbon on Joe's spark plugs are squeaky clean. No oil, no weird white residue, just the pinkish glow of a healthy, cared for engine.

And now, add 'well - loved' engine as well.

We named it 'Joe' because it was so average, hence 'Average Joe'. An everyday, ordinary car. Today though, I think I finally saw a bit of personality in him. And for that reason I think I'm gonna hang on to Joe.

My Scottish Boss: "Never stop asking (your proposal's status) until you hear a 'no'", is something I still tell myself today. Until I hear a flat - out NO, then the game's still on, and you work like a dog to get it approved. Makes beautiful sense.

Another was when he'd either catch me losing focus when chasing a deal or concentrate too much on a non - profit goal, he'd sarcastically (but jokingly, mind you), say "Oh it's ok we have more than enough money!". Applicable almost to all things I do. Whenever I remember that, it puts my thinking right straight and center almost immediately.

And finally, the most compelling thing I learned from him was to observe the concept of "Fair Market Value", in action. This is a guy who I know completely lived in the concept of offering the exact value he feels a service or product should cost, no more no less. He hated, and was absolutely livid with anger at the concept of 'tawaran'. As far as he was concerned, if he offered something at a certain price, that includes a fair amount of profit on his side, and a fair amount of cost on the buyer's side, and he was absolutely transparent about it as well.

The high points with working with him involve actually seeing him GET UP AND WALK OUT of meetings when customers starts asking for a 'discount'. Not only does he feel these are unwarranted, but I believe he actually saw them as an insult to his character. From what I understood, he felt he was running an honest business and making honest margins, and so when someone asks if a 'discount' was available, he felt they were insinuating that he was overpricing them.

I tried to argue with him our Pinoys' point of view (which is compelling in its own, quaint way), but I fully understood where he was coming from as well, and came to experience this first hand later when I was pricing my own services. The concept of tawaran maybe a popular street hawker's technique, but it really doesn't belong in business.

I realized that in order for business to properly evolve, TRUST must prevail. A buyer MUST trust the seller that his prices are fair. On the other hand, a seller MUST trust the buyer in the sense that they will understand and appreciate the fair price offered them, and reward them with continuing business.

If there is trust, a buyer will continually seek out a seller, and the seller's business will grow and provide more value to the buyer, and overall the economy will succeed. It really is as simple as that.

As an aside, I look upon the current Meralco issues as essentially, a breakdown of that trust. Someone, either the seller, the buyer, or BOTH, is lying. Meralco with its layer upon layer of inexplicable charges and taxes, and the gov't, c/o GSIS, with its strange timing and attack from all corners approach. Either way you can't be sure they're working to provide a fair price for electricity inspite of the headlines because of the lack of transparency and general underhandedness with which negotiations are held. In other words you can write as many contracts and proceed to as many courtrooms as you like, but if there is no trust, all these will fail.

At any rate, back to my topic: It may seem insignificant when you're talking about P10 - P100 value street hawker items, but in the long run even small items costs are compounded over time. Even more so when we were dealing with six to seven figure contracts. My ex boss didn't discriminate from either. He'd walk out whether we were talking about a P5,000 deal of a P500,000 deal, if someone started to 'tawad'. It made for some pretty dramatic meetings.

Looking back, I understood he was a graduate from the school of hard knocks. I remember him for genuinely caring for us, his employees, and being the most hard working salesman I've ever met. You either liked him instantly or hated him at first, then grudgingly start liking him. You either understood him or not.

He believed in what he believed, but I think he runs himself ragged doing so, as I assume its very tiring to be him. I dunno if I'd like to be like him exactly, so I'll just take what I learn from him instead.

I was a newbie then and little did I know I was getting a great education. It was important for me to have met and worked with men like him. At the time however I was wondering what the hell did I get myself into.

Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race.

I learned a few things about myself plus a few observations. Lemme break it down so I won't forget.

1. Detailed pics of the sites won't show up well on a not - so - good projector.
2. Ten or more pages can translate to more than an hour.

3. Don't get too caught up in yourself and stop to ask if there are any questions. This is probably because I've attended so many seminars and talks where the speaker would stop to ask if there were any questions and embarrassingly, there would just be quiet. When I asked people to ask questions at almost the end there were more than 6 I think, increasing the time.
4. Wear a watch and time yourself. I forgot to and I had no idea how much I had already taken up, and was looking for visual cues from the stage manager to tell me how much time I had left.

Otherwise I think it went well.

Not that I'm gonna do this anymore though. It was just so tiring and let's face it, I'm such a lazy ass when I'm doing something out of my element. Many times days prior I quit working on the presentation to work on the sites instead, which really is what I'd rather do. Just sit on my ass, write and tweak code, and express myself via my sites.

Besides I'm not particularly clear why I did that in the first place. It wasn't like I'm a chronic attention seeker. I honestly just wanna open up and help others understand how to make really relevant blogs, instead of the self - indulgent nonsense I see most of the time. The internet really can help turn things around. Blogs are an obvious, easy, individual and fun way of doing so. Posting up nonsensical self - serving garbage isn't gonna help.

I'd like to think my sites put things in perspective, and if there's anyone that wants to know how to do it, I'm right here.

Just not via another seminar. At least unless maybe I get paid well for it (someone actually asked if I hold seminars). Even then I'm not completely comfy with that idea, primarily because if you really wanna use the net (to blog or whatever), just go and do it. Don't base it on me nor anyone, just find your way and do it. Same with any other business, go right in, head first, and do it. And besides, everything you wanna know about my blogs is all right there for everyone to see. Don't copy, just adapt and use it your own way.

And due to the fact I hadn't gotten sick for the longest time I didn't recognize it for what it was, and tried to work against it. Result? The 2nd day I was even worse off, and was even more useless, with even more pain everywhere.

So I spent the whole day sleeping on and off. By evening I felt better, slept even more throughout the night and now I'm approximately 80% better. I'm not going out or anything, am certainly not gonna try anything strenuous. But I am fit enough to work, I think, so things are gonna get done today OR ELSE.

I would like to thank: Celestamine, for helping with my allergies. Kalamansi juice, which I'm sipping right now (yumm), Antihistimine, whose brand name I forgot, and good ol' Biogesic, which is pretty potent I think.

First order of business now that I'm improving: Burn that ratty bedsheet - no explanation needed, and hire someone to clean my room free of dust. I figure p500 should do it. It's disgusting really.

At any rate, I was trying to concentrate on a PBA game (Red Bull v Coca Cola, score is 51-56 respectively, 5 mins. left in the 3rd), when I decided to pick up my old trusty laptop and blog. I've been a fairly productive blogger today, making scheduled posts for ballex and one each for the two other sites.

I enjoy scheduling up posts, as it makes me feel like my ducks are in a row, one of my most oft used phrases these past few weeks, basically it gets right pat down exactly how I feel when I actually get to accomplish things. Jill and I have even started naming our ducks (much like the way we name our cameras and cellphones and other things). For example, paying bills are 'Bill Ducks', and trips to the bank are 'Bank Ducks'. Yes I know. It boggles the mind how creative we can be.

I've also started scheduling interviews I'm supposed to have done weeks ago, but it's still better late than never. And finally, probably fueled by my annoyance at myself for missing a meeting, I managed to finish approximately 40% of the work needed to start something that I think is going to be the next big thing. That's right, and it's super secret hush hush too, which makes it even doubly exciting. Yeah I know I'm being dramatic, but hell I wanna be FIRST in this and writing about it here is obviously gonna negate that.

Like most of the things I do for the sites I'm excited about it for two reasons: the first because it increases the site's relevancy to its target audience (always a never ending and exciting challenge), and secondarily I'm way too enjoying the sheer geekery of trying to get the damn thing to work. Yesterday I overcame a fairly difficult hurdle only to meet yet another big one. But like all things programming it's only a matter of time and pure unadulterated TIAGA to finally get to a solution. It's exactly like playing Sudoku or something. Your brain is twisted this way and that to the point I almost feel like my nose is going to bleed from concentration, and then just when you're about to give up the proverbial A-HA! moment finally arrives. Well, I'm still 60% away from a true A-HA!, but I'm getting there.

So anyway, that's what's up for today. Tomorrow I've gotta get my stupid lazy and fat ass to the gym, then back home to crack on the code again. The Programming Duck is taunting me, but my aim is starting to improve. If things go well it would've quacked it's last by the end of the week.

It's actually surprising, now that I'm actually writing about her all these years. The truth is not a day passes without my thinking of her. She passed away after a freak accident at their house in Laguna involving an airgun of all things, and I think I count that time as the first that I actually ever felt an absence so truly palpable in my life. We were in our mid or early twenties I think.

At the time, see, I lived in a world where I felt I was not well understood, and there she was taking the time to know me. The way I write about her now I'm afraid she'd come off as an angel, but she was far from it, and I know she'd want me to write that (because she insisted I not write 'crap', and preferred I always write the truth, claiming to be able to tell the difference, which was true). She was feisty, chain smoking, cursing and constantly opinionated about something or someone. And she treated me with a respect that said 'I understand you, I know you are an ok person, I know you are not easily understood by people and that's tough, and I will not feed you polite bullshit, because you deserve better.'

We had our arguments and for a while she had a dark phase that took her away from me, but I knew I could trust her and she never let me down, even when things were pretty rough in our respective lives family wise and financially. She was moving from one parent's house to another before she got married so we got out of touch a bit, then lived in Laguna, then before I knew it she was gone.

Of course I wonder still, what she would say if she read my writing. I'm not afraid to be judged, I just want to have those long conversations again, when she would detect that hint of unsurety, of hesitation or self doubt that would mean what I wrote was not entirely what I felt. It's as if she knew what I was thinking even more than I did myself, consequently forcing me to learn to trust her because it made me face the truth in what I was trying to say, which more often than not was a hurtful truth, given the situation I was in at the time.

I also knew she was tormented from her own situation, and her seeming aloofness which kept her from being a favorite of a lot of people was her way of dealing with things. She was far too honest to have around 'polite' company, and I loved her for it. I knew how it felt to be different, to be a square cog in a world of round holes and not know where one's place was, and her company or at least the knowledge someone else was dealing with it made me feel less alone.

I started out writing this to say I was tired and I needed a vacation, but I ended up talking about Yna, a close friend and someone I would probably miss forever. I guess I really am tired, because it's in times like this when I am less than strong, I want to know she is somewhere, being less than strong with me. People like us would talk about books and characters in books and movies and stories and such things so we'd form an ally against whatever it is we were trying to beat, and things would be alright for a bit, giving us enough to go on till the next trial.

Then if life were a script we'd start respective families and we'd grow old and our kids would grow up with each other and we'd laugh at how rich kids like Geo back in '95 in Boracay didn't know how to eat with his hands or flush the toilet with a pail of water, and we'd have barbecues every Sunday at our house this week and their house the next and Geo's and Maite's the week after that because they have a baby now, finally after so many years, and isn't that a sign that God exists and we'll think of ways to go to their house so we can look at it often.

But of course we can't now, and I ponder that everyday. And I don't have an ending for this so I'll just stop here.

Athlon 64 X2 4400 Dual core Box (P3,120)
Transcend 2GB 667 (1,560)

and the

ECS 6100SM-M/M2 nForce/V-pcie/S/L (P1,980), which as far as I can make out is otherwise known on the ECS website as GeForce6100PM-M2 (V2.0), although I wouldn't be surprised if I were wrong.

and finally

PC ATI X1650 Pro 512ddr2 dvi 128bit (P2130)

So that's a total of P8,790 which is NOT BAD for a (relatively) new rig. Of course I'm still using my existing DVDRW, casing and power supply (which I upgraded last year) to save on cost, and I'll still use my older PC (also an ECS mobo, which is why I've grown to trust that brand) as my inhouse bittorrent downloader, I mean uhhmm.. webserver to test stuff.

I'm not really big on processors but I am big on RAM and video card performance, so maybe I can spare 2k to go either way.

So just like the Kikays on my website say when they see something they wanna buy, "I'm sooooooooooooOOOOOOOOoo excited!!" :) :)

Disclaimer: I won't be surprised if the mobo doesn't even match the processor, or if there are other buys out there better than my choices. I've not checked out PC hardware for a looooong time till today, so I'm well out of it. Consequently, this is not meant to be a buying guide! Just some guy pretending to know what he's talking about and far too stupid with his money to be more careful with it (as usual).

 
A fire at the open lots behind us, a large Sta. Lucia Realty housing development.

 
These pictures don't do justice really, and were taken by my 14 year old niece as an afterthought (amidst pics of our dog and her goofing around). That pitiful garden house was our only defense, along with sad attempts by our neighbours to hurl pails of water towards it. I was using it mostly to get the surrounding area wet.

There was a time when the flames were roaring 10 feet away from me, and I could feel the heat and choking smoke and ashes rush to my face. Our neighbour two doors away had it worse, almost scorching a tree inside his lot which, if it had caught fire, would definitely had spread towards his roof and likely beyond. It didn't matter if the fire had green fresh looking grass or trees in front of it, everything pretty much burst into flames the moment the fire got to it.

The saving grace, really, was that the wind started to blow North East (I think), away from our houses. That really was the key. If it had kept on going towards us we only had a concrete wall, a green garden hose and a tankful of water to keep us safe. No thanks to panicking neighbours which I pretty much ignored much to their irritation I think. Truth is, I was focused on the fire, and didn't wanna deal with them. They came and went in droves to 'try to help', which essentially means talking my ear off about how shocked they were, and how whoever started this should go to jail while asking me if I knew who it was (heck if I knew). Fine all and good, but can we deal with the fire please?

By 4-ish everything was normal. Firemen came and doused what needed to be doused. I tried to sleep but the adrenaline and dreams of fire consuming everything kept me half awake. I told my nephew to wake me up in case things went crazy again and I kept imagining every sound I heard was him knocking, or that it was so bad he couldn't even knock. Screwy.

Postscript:

Anyway, to get back to normalcy, I resolved to start my own fire, via a 3 step process. First,

 
Second:

 
Third:

:) Whew.

BTW, Mia, my niece who took those pics, loved the chicken and had 2 pieces. This from a girl who only eats toasted bread with butter (seriously), and nothing else, so getting her to eat anything is a miracle. Recipe:, 1 drumstick per person sliced in several areas (for the insides to cook through). Marinade in mixed Kikkoman, sugar and ketchup for 3 hours. Cook 20 minutes slowly around charcoal. No I didn't get the charcoal from the fire.

Further To Do:
Remove useless AdBrite from MomEx.
Find out which page wordpress /tags uses (it doesn't use archive.php I think).
Fix tags at MomEx (creates error pages. Dang complicated k2 theme).
Create P pages for BallEx.
Create T category pages for BallEx.
Update Ballex Polls Code.
Package ad deal and target clients S, S2, C and a few others. Set Meeting.

That's all I can think at the moment. Handling 3 blogs is dizzying, but hey I'm not complaining. Really tired now.

Jill's household usually buys into whatever Sky offers during Pacquiao fights to watch it live, but I'm still suffering from heat fatigue I got last Friday when I stupidly took a walk under direct sunlight for almost an hour, making me sick. I had two events that day and by the second one that evening my muscles were cramping and I felt like collapsing. Anyway I've decided to rest in for the weekend, and maybe get some work in too.

So anyway here's what I think: Pacquiao's gonna win. Which round? I dunno. What do I base this on? Just the way he looks. I know it sounds corny, but he does look like he's got the 'eye of the tiger', whatever that is. Win or lose, he's really become more impressive than I originally sized him up to be, mainly because inspite of the fact that he has already achieved far more than our wildest dreams would've thought anyone could, he's still at it, training like his whole survival is at stake.

THAT, is the mark of a true hero, in my book. Training like you're the underdog, even if you're already a winner. So as far as I'm concerned, he can go and buy as many Cayennes and sign as many endorsements and even try TV hosting and *gasp* sing as much as he likes. It's his time and money anyway. As far as respect goes, he already has mine.

And that's not all I'm forecasting. Here are others:

Politicians will ruin his win by clambering on top of the ring as if they had anything to do with it. - Do I need to explain that? These people are leeches to the core, and if there's one thing I'd wish Pacquiao would do is to avoid them allowing himself to be used by them. He can certainly do that, I think. He's 'bigger' and has far more influence than FG, his cohort Congressmen and fellow crooks or all of them combined.

Commercials will ruin the experience for millions of Filipinos who can't afford the P900 peso tickets (for the movie theatres) and cable. - Of course, there really isn't much you can do here. The TV stations need to make money too, and there's no avoiding the nauseating commercials that effectively make you do the exact opposite, which is to swear you'll never buy Skecher's, Alaxan, or any of those other brands ever again in your whole life. The movie theatres are a good idea too, although I wouldn't go to the ones near areas where people can get rowdy. For some reason it reminds me those stories about FPJ movies, and how his diehard fans in wild and woolly Mindanao would pull out guns and start shooting at the Pacquito Diaz (the staple bad guy) whenever he'd appear on screen. I wonder if that'd still happen if they showed the fight in places like Zamboanga or Basilan?

The answer, really, is the Internet. I'm sure there's a stream out there. Better start trying again. If there is one, I'll find it. Grr.

I unfortunately wasn't able to ask for a calling card, so I forgot her name in the mayhem that is a Press event that included the usual big announcements, a displaying of new prods plus of course feeding us and raffling off prizes. At any rate we fortunately found time to small talk about a topic close to my heart, the dwindling number of readers and quality of written and spoken English in the Philippines, something she knew well about, coincidentally being a CEU Journalism Professor as well.

So here're I'll share a few things I've learned to believe.

One, is that I don't think 'Learn To Read campaigns' are very effective. I've seen the ones Inquirer tried to do plus maybe a few others, and they've tried going the celebrity route (celebs explaining what reading has done for them etc.) but for the most part, that turns me off more than interests me. Of course, I've never been interested in celebs in the first place, so I'm probably an exception.

Two, part of the reason Learn To Read campaigns frustrate me is probably because for the life of me I do not know how to make people read. I know me and my siblings were surrounded by books when we were kids, and so I gravitated towards them during those long stretches of time when we didn't have anything else to do. Everything came pretty naturally. For example I didn't think anything of it other than something to do when bored. So naturally later on I began to seek stories that'd interest me more, and after that, I naturally learned to become more discerning and grow the ability to know how to choose really good stuff because I didn't wanna waste my time and money on a book that turns out to be boring.

Three, I believe the generation of my grandmother, the ones trained by American missionaries(?) after the war, were the best English writers and speakers of our time. The best example to me is Mrs. Gil, whose family owns (owned?) St. John's Academy of San Juan where I studied and grew up in. I hold her, Mrs. Zorilla our principal and Mrs. Fernandez (not sure anymore if that's right, but she used to also teach at Lourdes School Mandaluyong), in the highest esteem, as well as the elder of the Pacheco sisters Mayleen (?), who would probably kill me because I think I'm spelling her name wrong or got it wrong altogether. Anyway, to me they spoke and wrote straight, unaccented English, took no prisoners when checking ours, and more importantly, communicated well, which is essentially what you're really trying to do when you study English. I even had the hugest crush on Mayleen. Imagine that, crushing on your English high school teacher. How typical high school behaviour can you get?

So anyway, the nice lady from Mod explained to me that at some point in the 60's and '70s, Tagalog became the medium of expression in schools, causing English to suffer. Which is alright in my book really, so long as it produced great Tagalog communicators, to which the guys from Tribune said (and I agree) didn't happen - a great pity because Tagalog is a beautiful, intricate language.

That leaves us with - what? Probably up to three generations of Filipinos who neither speak English nor Tagalog well, and because distractions have increased since the times of my grandmother (the Internet, text - speak, cable, etc.), would rather watch things and abbreviate their communication rather than speak good, fluent, unaccentuated, unmodified, straight English. The type where you get your wrist slapped if you abbreviate, or put a comma in the wrong place. The kind where you don't force yourself to learn a hopelessly contrived American accent because the callcenters pay you more if you do.

Sigh. Ok anywyay, I think this is getting too long, and this is a workday, so I should get back to work.

It just occurred to me to write about this not only because of having met like - minded folks at the Press event yesterday, but also because a few minutes ago, someone made a comment at Kikay, asking information about a product which is already plainly seen on the article itself had she taken the time to read.

See, one of the topics Jill and I often discuss is the length of her articles. Like most readers and writers, she tends to write and think in complete sentences, as her education and preference forces you to do so. However, I've met quite a few younger girls who have told me they like far less words, and far more images. An example is publications like Cosmo or Vogue, with only the most basic text but surrounded by large, colorful pictures, almost like comics.

And so, I've told Jill (to her disagreement) that I wished her articles were less wordy. That she'd instead go the heavy on images route, so as to relate to today's audience more. Incidentally, Jill's preferred reading material, Marie Claire, suites her writing style as well.

But today, after seeing a comment like that, I think we'll stick to our guns and not respond to it, hopefully sending out a message to the next generation, incidentally many of whom read Kikay Exchange. Learn to read. We'll just let it stay there, an example of a question that could well have been answered if she just took the time, as well as a reminder to let people know what happens when you don't.

Jun Lozada imho, is either naive or in denial. He clearly doesn't see that in politics, he has no friends. As he declares how much of a fan he is of Joker Arroyo, the surprise in his voice at Joker's anger was hard to mask. Lozada is a babe in the woods, and to his credit he admits as much. He is completely clueless to the fact that at this point, he shouldn't trust anyone, because in politics it is every man for himself, each one looking out for number one. So if he really truly believes that Mike Defensor, Sec. Atienza, or anyone else amongst his proferred friends would not sell their souls to see him shut up, he's sure to be crying even more in the days to come.

My heart really does go out to him. Lozada has yet to show any signs of inconsistency, not even reaction or behaviour that'd make me doubt him. Of course, that alone isn't enough to prove he's without guilt. But if you were to judge guilt or innocence based on raw emotion and reactions alone, then he is as innocent as he says he is.

I watched the whole hearing today, and that's the only thing I can surmise from the whole affair. Well, other than the fact that the PNP - AVG are a collection of idiots, equal only in sheer stupidity and boneheadedness to our Airport Security.

Oh, and the Senators who had proven themselves to be the best speakers are still the same, namely Roxas, Escudero, Villar and unfortunately, Enrile. Jinggoy actually gave a good accounting of himself, aided probably by the fact that he really prepared for this one. Meanwhile Gordon, who's usually much better, was a picture of the opposite, asking questions he clearly should've known the answers to if he had just at least read the papers today. Jamby Madrigal was as obtuse, biased and ill-conceived as ever, asking questions about ZTE when they should be focusing on the kidnapping issue. Revilla's intellect, if you can call it that, belongs to the level of the PNP-AVG, while Loren could've and should've done better. Joker meanwhile couldn't put two sentences together, stammering, stumbling and constantly losing sight of his point. Maybe that's what happens when you sell out.

As for Lozada, every time he cries, I just want to say, 'Jun, why do you still believe you have friends?'. Inasmuch as he's a grown man, he seems yet to learn that the world is ten times cruel to people who like to say the truth. Today I witnessed a man in a snake pit, but instead of a Gladiator fending off evil dressed in fancy armor, we have a man who's eyes pop out their sockets, shocked at every untruth he hears. I don't care really. I'd rather have an honest man than a macho one.

So much for my previous post, re Keeping Focus. One thing's for sure, the Senate hearings is the most riveting show on Earth.

At any rate, herewith are random thoughts from my vegged out mind minutes away from going beddy night night.

On my bedside is the marvelous One Hundred Years Of Solitude by - need I say who wrote it but I'll say it anyway why not - Gabriel Garcia Marquez. A book which in my opinion, he probably wrote whilst on a perpetual narcotic induced high. Because Jesus H Christ, how could someone write something so magnificent as that. It's the sort of thing you kind of drone on throughout, turning page after page before you realize that what seemed initially like a continuous tide of ill connected events is actually starting to frame itself into a story which is, without you knowing it, taking you on a ride.

And that is exactly how I'd describe that giddy feeling when I start enjoying a book, or a movie, or any story in other words. The author is taking you on a ride, and you don't know it, like a magician making you look one way while his other hand reaches in your pocket and takes whatever is there to take. Like how you sit on a beach transfixed at the distance before realizing the waves have crept up and you're feet have sunk in the sand.

And the truth is I didn't want to read what I knew was going to be a good book, exactly because of the way it takes me away from the things one has to do in life. Set meetings. Do your accounting. Deal with clients. Return a wrong delivery. Settle your accounts. Deposit and withdraw from the bank. Implement a category based wordpress conditional tag on kikay's sidebar. Load my G-Cash. Reload my debit card. Buy a Flickr account. Pick up my new calling cards. Work out so you don't get too soft. Print your presentation so you can give them out at the meeting this week. Pay the phone bill. Fix the network cables askew on the floor. Cover an event. Write a Valentine's post for next week. Shake the toilet handle so it doesn't waste water. Wash your bag because it looks filthy. Shampoo your room's carpet. Buy a new bedsheet. Buy a gift. Collect from a client. Look for writers. Pay those writers.

All those things get turned around to the second niche of things to do.

Because I had to read a good book. Taking me on a trip I don't want to go to. But go anyway.

I'm glad I got at least something done today. I'd have seriously kicked myself if I'd have bummed out to read the day away. At some point in my life I'll have the leisure to do such things. But now now. Not yet. Not by a long time.

I think hobbies are important because it takes you away from what you're doing long enough to at least give you a fresh perspective on what it is you normally do. In other words, I worked on my car because I didn't wanna work on my projects or the sites - my solution to the fact that I am so up to my ears in work (and consequently, thinking about it), that if I spend any more time working on it I'm liable to go nuts.

The left and right turn switch doesn't work for some odd reason, so my solution was to open and clean it up thoroughly using a rag and contact cleaner spray. I did so, and by golly who'd have known such a thing was so complex inside? It had bearings and tiny little springs that would fall over the place if you weren't careful opening it up. At any rate, I got it to work in the end, but only after a hell of a time. I realized I was literally bent over in concentration for an hour or two, and when I finally got it together and working I felt like celebrating. Problem is, the switch for the windshield wipers suddenly doesn't work now (it was working fine before I opened it up, and I never touched it when I did), so that's egg in my face right there. I'll get it to work though. I'm sure it's just something loose somewhere.

I think our brains don't (and likely can't) differentiate how important one job is from another. I gave that job a hell of a lot of time and effort - as much time and effort as I would say, getting a website to run or code to work. The difference is, I'm sick of sitting in front of a computer monitor and straining my eyes doing that, while working on the car gives me a chance to get my hands dirty (I like that) and active plus the fact it solves a problem that had been bugging me for a while.

If it didn't rain today, I'd probably have found myself at the court shooting hoops too. Again, I'd be exerting a lot of time and effort (a great deal more effort of course), but the result would be the same. It'd have given me time away from work, time that I'd appreciate because afterwards it'd give my head a fresher perspective on things I deal with at work.

I realize now that people probably don't, or at least shouldn't, mean it when they say they just want to sit around and completely space out when they have a chance to do so. It may seem to be the last thing anyone wants, but when a vacation comes around I think it's better to engage in some activity that will completely involve you as opposed to just watching the tv or aimlessly surfing around. I bet that if I had done that my head would surely have started thinking of work again, naturally because that was the last thing that concerned me before the break began. My brain doesn't know about the vacation break. It just keeps going on and on thinking about stuff, solving problems when it finds any. So the solution is to give my brain something else to work on so that it can still keep functioning at the same level as when I was at work, but at a different scenario or at least happier, healthier one (like sports or family stuff).

Sounds like a good idea I think. I thought about above when I was dealing with the turn signal. I just need to remind myself next time to deal with something simpler so that I'd not end up with another problem after :P

At any rate am trying at this very moment, as I write this, to get into my sweats and go over there to do some reps. I've not seen the new location yet but what the heck I got a rough sketch and idea where it is so I should really hie off to it.

It turns out I had been suffering from fatigue after Jill told me that that was usually the case when you wake up feeling completely exhausted and aching all over even after a full night's sleep. Further investigation proves the same, and although I know I'm self - medicating here, it makes pretty much good sense. The past two workouts, a full two weeks ago by now, proved absolutely energizing and I felt completely refreshed and back to my old self - that being the bouncing off the walls - full of energy - ready to take on the world type. A week after that, I overworked myself when I went to a client and the day after woke up after a full 8 hours completely dazed, with a pounding headache and aching all over, with the light still turned on and holding the phone at that - indicating I fell asleep almost instantaneously after speaking on the phone, and stayed still throughout the night.

I know that isn't normal and it's obvious I have to get back to the gym asap. It's starting to dawn on me that I'm one of those unlucky enough to be afflicted with this - whatever this is - and have got to make trips to the gym as regular as possible if only to keep myself sharp. I know that sucks but what the heck. Its not like its the first time I've had to deal with my strangely sickly body, capable of dunking a basketball and playing 4 games in a row in one month and unable to get off my lazy ass to look for the new gym the next.

Ack. Here we go. Just put one foot in front of the next. Let's go. Get on with it..

I suppose this is a kind of obligatory blog update, considering its been weeks since I greeted Freddie Mercury a happy birthday. I will obligatorily mention how so many things have happened since, and how I'm obligated to say I don't know where to start. But for the most part I think my attention has been focused on the Kikay Shop. I've added new face and body care products from Leyende, and the rest of the products are due for an overhaul as well, with their suppliers coming out with new stuff.

I've pretty much laid out how things are gonna go for Kikay Exchange I think. As a matter of fact it was the same way as I planned it out years ago, but I admit I lost my way a bit partly due to getting too involved in the nitty gritty details and partly because I may have lost confidence in my original plans. But, as a testament to the value of planning, the foundations of a good idea are really what carries it onwards. Sooner or later (hopefully sooner), the site's strengths come out, and you find yourself carrying out the plan whether you're still intent on it or not. It's sort of like planning and working your ass of to make something work and then, years later saying 'Wow! It Worked! Who knew?!'

At any rate the fact that this is all fairly new is not lost to me. I mentioned to someone I was talking about it with that for the most part it's a 'seat of my pants' sort of management, with me going towards directions that I feel are best at any given moment, but still hopefully grounded in the initial ideals I laid out for them. Mom Exchange for example, is turning out to become the parent's resource I always hoped it would be. And I promise you when I say that 'I always hoped..', that I really did hope that years ago when I was thinking about it still. It's not like I shot a ball in the air on a prayer, it goes in the hoop, and I start claiming that's exactly how I planned it.

When I started out at Mom Exchange, I felt that the way to make it self-perpetuate was to provide content that local parents (specifically, parents in the Philippines) needed to share. I didn't want it to become a social club. I didn't want it to become a forum where everyone had equal voices. I don't want EBs, meet-ups, parties, or whatever, if it didn't have anything to do with producing good well-made well-targetted content. I wanted a main person, the editor, writer or an 'expert' to speak, and everyone to learn from it. I felt that there were more people out there on the Internet that can be invited to any given event, and that if you really wanna help people, you're better off serving those on the Internet than those you can get to go to an 'EB'.

I also felt that kind of content was bursting to get out, and the internet + how I wanted to present it allowed me to better serve that market rather than anything else out there - whether it be an internet forum, a magazine or whatever. Cut to a year later and lo and behold it worked out, and I can't say enough of how fulfilled I get when I read the messages people leave on it that say how grateful they are.

Occasionally there are people here or there saying how I should move the sites toward a different direction, but due to the fact the sites have reached a fair level of influence, I've decided to rely on my gut feel more, considering how it brought the sites to where they are now in the first place. I understand these will occasionally be misunderstood as pride or haughtiness, and I'm sorry if it has, but I feel I need to insist that it's my way or the highway, and that, at any rate, I'll end up suffering the brunt of it anyway, should it fail. I'm grateful though, that there are people who care enough to have an opinion to begin with, and I'm glad they share. It's just that I'm not very good at saying what I find myself ending up saying, which is something like 'Thanks so much for your opinion, but I think you're wrong.'. For the most part, I don't think people are willing to hear that.

I realize now, after reading above, I wrote this more for the purpose of clearing my thoughts on the nagging matter of where the sites should be going now. After both have matured (both are now a year old), I need to initiate plans I made back then to see it through another year and onwards. After going about it through a year I've also matured as well and learned a few new things I've more or less talked about above.

First, is that I have to trust my instincts. The plans I had done for these sites were in effect from the very start, so I must not waver if I know what's good for them. I'm sure something will come along at some point that might make me variate for the good, and I hope I'll have the wisdom to recognize it when it does. But for now, it's work as usual, and we forge on.

Second, is that the most stinging issue I've faced is criticism or an insistence by people I know who care about the sites to make it go towards a different direction from what I feel is best. I have to deal with this on a case to case basis, and the fact there is no precedent makes it doubly hard. There have been times I have tossed and turned wondering what would've happened if I had gone a different way, and there is no shortage of opinions that would support either direction. The best way I feel to deal with this is to stick with what I know, and what I know, again, is to stick with my original plans. Like in the 'Sound Of Music', there's a song that goes 'I must have done something good'. I know that's corny and inappropriate, given Maria was singing about finding a love, but I guess its apropos still. Things are working out, and in order to get better I gotta keep my head clear and steer with confidence. There will always be reasons to go this way or that, always reasons why the road up ahead is harder than roads past. But at the end of the day, I'm here because I got myself here, good or bad. It's been good so far, and I'll get myself further on tomorrow.

Jill is one of those highly intelligent people that still do not completely understand what she's capable of. For example she is obviously a closet geek, outwardly shunning 'techie things' when in fact she's hooked on Karen my laptop, has realized the value of an iPod when she started living by herself at the dorm, and is completely hooked on GPRS. Aside from that, she knows how to handle HTML without an editor. I mean, beat that right? I taught her most of the html basics for the posts on Kikay but for the most part, she relies on using the WordPress GUI to produce her posts and then Photoshops her own images. That takes skill honey, so embrace your inner geekness and admit it so I can teach you CSS and you can fix some of Kikay's flaws :)

At any rate I thought I was going to make like the good boyfriend and hang out in front of DLSU all day in support, but after two consecutive Bar Ops I think I've fully grasped the uselessness of such an endeavour. It's obvious to me for example, that the most important thing is for the Barristers to get as much peace, quiet and rest as possible. If there's anything they don't know yet at that time, it's clearly too late to learn anyway. Also, the last thing I wanna do is impose on her by making her worry about having to meet me before or after the whole shebang, and even if we do meet afterwards, she's gonna be too knocked out anyway. I understand, being a College thing, how easy it is for things like these to become slumber parties, but it's plainly obvious to keep these things as simple as possible. These people have enough on their minds as it is and the best thing to do is also the easiest: don't get in their way.

Anyway, I suppose I should say this is a landmark moment of sorts for the both of us. We had been anticipating the Bar for so long now I've still to grasp the idea after she's studied so much for so long and talked and waited and analyzed and thought about it so much, that it's a surprise that it's finally here. But inasmuch as it's a big thing, I've still yet to have it sink in. I think it's because I really do have all the confidence in her, and I recognize that mentioning it here is more of a matter of record rather than a cheering sis boom bah go go go sort of thing.

I'm just excited and glad that all that sacrifice and studying will eventually come to a halt, and we can finally move on with plans.

Suffice to say I had not been taking very good care of myself for the past few months, the highlight and reason of which is my addiction to caffeine. Well about a week ago today, I decided to do something about that, and quit this evil substance entirely after an approximate 3 to 4 cup a day habit.

First I'd like to put a good word in about quitting cold turkey. I figure this really is the best method if not the only effective method there is, to my mind. Over the years I'd been addicted to smoking and - of all things - working out, and I call it addiction because it had reached unhealthy levels, as all such activity done in excess turns out. Quitting, or rather, just absolutely quitting cold turkey, is really the best because you really can't negotiate against addiction. And that is essentially what 'quitting in moderation' or merely 'slowing down' means. It's like trying to negotiate against an enemy who knows you better than you do. It (addiction. And I'm speaking metaphorically here of course), will say yeah yeah sure sure we'll slow down the next time, and then turn around and snigger at your naivete. It just won't go away until you make an absolute decision to just give it up, and you can give it up only by just giving it up right there and then.

At any rate, now I'll put in a bad word about caffeine, which from wikipedia is described as 'the world's most widely consumed psychoactive substance, but unlike most other psychoactive substances, it is legal and unregulated in nearly all jurisdictions.', which to my mind, is like saying Starbucks is a drug pusher, but it's ok.

I don't think I'll get any flak by saying that because, hell that's the truth right? All around us there are addictions tempting us. Painkillers, booze, cigs, a sedentary lifestyle, excess in food, material excess, obsessive shopping, etc. You just have to be adult about the fact that these things exist, and that being human, these will get to you if you're not careful and it can happen to the best of us. So wise up and stick to what's good for you.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now, after having gone through a hell of a time withdrawing. Basically what happens is some chemical in your body which was less than normal during excess caffeine intake suddenly makes a comeback and you get these intense headaches in return. Paralyzing is the word I'd use to describe them, making me dim my eyes and get blurry eyesight from time to time. I guess I kinda expected it, and I feel much better now after loads of sleep and playing ball the other day. The resulting improvement has been pretty good. I feel.. normal - which is an incredible improvement after weeks of irritability, lack of focus, and overeating as a way of compensating for the lack of sleep and overall dullness I felt when I was taking too much of the stuff.

Funny how at this point I can look at it fairly clearly, but 2 weeks ago you'd not have me admitting any of those symptoms if you held a gun to my head for fear I'd have to face the truth that I was addicted. And we're just talking of coffee here for Christ's sake. This isn't even metamphetamine or grass.

Ok I'm getting all gloomy here. I don't really wanna go there, after knowing a few good friends go down that path. Maybe in the future, probably when I try to write a part two of 'my story', which involves my relationships with two or three influential people. For now, it's Sunday, it looks like its gonna stay dry for most of it, which means basketball later this afternoon. I'll do some work now and early PM, take a nap and play ball later, which sounds like a plan. A good plan that is, considering it doesn't involve caffeine.